


Words don't come easy

by mistilteinn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Bottom Magnus Bane, Confident Alec Lightwood, Explicit Sexual Content, Idiots in Love, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Pining, TWI vibes, Top Alec Lightwood, camille belcourt is an abuser, medium burn (is that a thing? i'm making it a thing), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-23 23:35:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21089666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistilteinn/pseuds/mistilteinn
Summary: Sometimes he wonders if working in a bookstore, being surrounded by thousands of other people’s words day after day, makes it harder to come up with one’s own.aka the bookstore AU





	Words don't come easy

**Author's Note:**

> sincerest of thanks to kinkymagnus. this one's for you, love

“Hey Magnus! Come meet Alec!” Izzy calls from the front of the store, her light voice tinged with laughter. Magnus smiles at the sound, his pulse fluttering nervously in his veins. He’s been waiting for this day with a mixture of excitement and apprehension ever since Izzy first told him about her big brother.

“Okay, okay, I’ll be right up!” He shouts back, dropping his backpack in the main office and pulling the door shut behind him. They don’t have lockers here - Magnus is actually the only non-Lightwood to work at _ Ouroboros, _ and he supposes that having a separate space for employee belongings isn’t a high priority when your coworkers are the very same people you see around the dinner table each night.

He skirts around the children’s section in the back of the store to come up front and finally meet the much spoken of eldest Lightwood child. Anticipation tingles under his skin as he walks by the numerous shelves - Izzy, Max, and Jace’s big brother is legend among these parts, renowned both for his unmatched organizational skills and his mystical ways with customers.

He’s going to be managing the store this summer - filling in for Maryse while she and Luke take an extended honeymoon/trip around the world. Among other salacious gossip, Izzy once said that Magnus himself was originally hired to replace Alec when he went back to California in January to finish law school. Magnus has been on edge for weeks - knocking into shelves, tripping over his own feet, forgetting the answers to even the most common customer queries. 

After far too long, he finally emerges from the overstuffed shelves and stops short when he comes upon the pair of siblings standing at the front counter.

_ Tall _is what comes to mind when Magnus first lays eyes on Alec. 

The man in front of him bears a striking resemblance to both Izzy and their mother, meaning in short that he’s _ gorgeous. _ Messy dark hair, bright hazel eyes, broad shoulders. Magnus sneaks a peek at his hands and - massive. 

Shit. It’s like somebody looked directly into Magnus’s deepest daydreams and plucked Alec Lightwood right out.

“I - I’m Magnus,” he manages after a moment, belatedly realizing that he’s been staring at Alec for longer than is generally considered acceptable. 

“Bane.” He adds unnecessarily, because he just can’t help but make a fool of himself in front of beautiful people.

Alec looks him up and down rather slowly, a distantly polite smile curling over his aristocratic features, and offers his hand to shake. Magnus swallows and flushes, steps forward and takes it in his own.

And - did he just imagine the shock that tingled under his skin when he and Alec made contact for the first time? 

Maybe they’re meant to be.

Then Alec says, “you’re late,” and Magnus sputters, all of his romantic hopes for their future dashed in an instant.

“My shift doesn’t start until nine and I got here at eight fifty-five?” He answers after a moment and pushes his glasses back up, certain that he’s red all the way to his ears. He hates how unsure he sounds - he’s never been late before in his life. Not to class when he was in college and certainly not to work as an adult. Alec is mistaken. He must be. Magnus squares his shoulders and frowns at him.

“You may have _ gotten here _ on time, but it’s after nine now and you’re still not in uniform. Ergo - you’re not ready to work. Ergo - you’re late. If it happens again, you’re fired.” Alec responds, and Magnus immediately hates the superior smirk on his face. He wants to kiss it - no. He wants to _ smack _ it right off of those sharp cheekbones. 

Izzy gapes at her older brother, looking quite horrified, and cuts in quickly. She clearly senses the rage build beneath Magnus’s frozen smile and speaks, sounding overly bright as she often does when nervous. “Mom never cares about uniforms, Alec!” She starts, glancing back and forth between them. “I bet Magnus doesn’t even have one.”

Alec answers her without breaking eye contact with Magnus. “Mom’s not in charge, Iz. And what’s the point of ordering uniforms if we’re not gonna require that employees wear them? That’s a huge waste of money.”

Izzy snaps her mouth closed and shoots an apologetic look at Magnus, steps forward to physically break the tension between them and curls an arm in his. “I - I guess you’re right. Mags, let’s go find you an apron.”

Magnus finally tears his gaze from Alec. He furrows his brow at her and nods weakly, still shocked into silence; he lets her lead him back to the office as he ponders what the hell just happened.

He holds his quiet until she shuts the door behind them and starts digging through the numerous boxes all stacked on the bookshelf, ostensibly searching for an apron to give him.

“What the _ hell, _ Izzy?” Magnus whispers harshly, throwing a glance over his shoulder at the closed door. “You said we’d get along when I asked you about him!”

Izzy pauses from the box she’s looking through and turns to him, eyes big and dark and sincere. Despite himself, Magnus feels his irritation start to bleed away as he looks at one of his closest friends. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry! He’s never like that!” She cries out quietly, her eyes open just a bit too wide to be entirely convincing.

Magnus stares at her in disbelief and waits. 

Isabelle grimaces at him, tries again. “Okay, he’s not...usually...like that.”

Magnus waits again, crosses his arms. He frowns at her, feeling a little spark of victory alight in his chest when she drops her gaze, guilt laced over her fine features.

“Okay - _ okay! _ I thought he’d act different with you, since you’re…you know.”

Izzy trails off, her small hand waving vaguely between them. Magnus frowns more deeply at her and inclines his head, daring her to go on.

“Hot.” She finishes lamely, and Magnus has to hold back a smile, surprised and a little bit delighted. 

He rolls his eyes and sighs after a moment, settling comfortably on the edge of the desk as the tension drains from his shoulders. She pulls a different box from the bookshelf and rustles through it, and Magnus listens to the sounds of her movements, remembering the way that the attraction had warmed his veins when he first saw Alec, the way that the other man had so easily crushed it, replacing it with the bright burn of embarrassment.

He frowns at the ground in front of him, pulling his glasses off to clean them with the soft fabric of his jumper. He speaks again, his tone dull and voice quiet. “Okay, well, your plan didn’t work. He obviously hates me. So - what, now I have to work with a douchebag boss for the foreseeable future?”

Isabelle pauses in her search and eyes him rather sharply at that, and Magnus realizes belatedly that the douchebag he’s talking about is still her brother. 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly, worrying the hem of his cardigan. It’s one of his favorites - Clary once told him that the pale blue contrasts beautifully with his skin, and whenever he wears it, Izzy comments on how broad his shoulders are, how trim his waist is. 

He’d slipped it on this morning for an extra shot of confidence, hoping foolishly that Alec might notice, hoping that Izzy had been right when she’d said that Alec was just his type, that _ he _ was just Alec’s type. 

Apparently not.

Izzy glances over and pauses at his expression. She speaks, low and soothing. “He’s only here for two months, Magnus. Just until Mom gets back, then he’s flying out to California again.”

Magnus bites back the questions he wants to ask her - why is Alec even here at all? Why can’t she or Jace run the store in Maryse’s absence?

At Magnus’s silence, she sighs and continues rustling through the boxes, working her way down the bookshelf. After an extended pause, she speaks again.

“I really thought that things would be different between you two. You’ve both been single for so long -” she cuts herself off at Magnus’s warning frown, shaking her head as she opens the last box on the shelf. “Oh! Here they are. No wonder we never gave you one - I bet Mom forgot they were down here.”

Magnus crinkles his nose at the apron Isabelle offers him, taking it in hand. It’s brown, and certainly polyester, and even smells a little musty. It’s mostly out of guilt borne from the realization that he’s now called _ both _ of her older brothers a douchebag at some point that makes Magnus smile weakly and slip it on.

It’ll do. 

It’ll have to.

\---

It isn’t until several days (almost a week!) later that Magnus actually works with Alec - he only ever seems to close the store, and Max and Jace are usually the evening wordsmiths (Maryse’s cutesy term for employees too young/irresponsible/non-Lightwood to be keyholders).

It’s Monday afternoon and Magnus makes sure to arrive five minutes earlier than he usually does, which makes him _ ten _ minutes early for his shift. He’s also got on the frankly tragic apron, which he’s noticed both Jace and Izzy wearing over the last few days. At least Alec seems to be universal in making his unreasonable demands.

Alec is studying something intently on the office computer when Magnus comes in to drop off his bag. He allows his gaze to linger over the slope of Alec’s nose for just a moment and wonders if the dark green sweater he’s wearing is as soft as it looks. 

Magnus ignores the pang in his chest at that thought and drops his bag on the floor, letting it thump heavily. 

He holds back a petty smile when the loud noise pulls Alec from his reverie and he jumps slightly, the tips of his ears tingeing a pleasing shade of pink. 

“You’re on time today,” Alec says by way of greeting, recovering his stone-cold composure far too quickly for Magnus’s liking. Magnus grits his teeth and doesn’t point out that he’s actually _ early _ today, that he’s on time _ every _ day. 

“It’s good to see you too, Alexander,” he says instead, his tone deceptively light. 

Alec looks up from the computer again, confusion clouding his features. Magnus hates that he wants to smooth the lines on Alec’s forehead and trace a careful finger over the scar bisecting his left eyebrow. He clenches his fist instead of doing either of those things and tilts his head, waiting for Alec to answer him. 

“Right,” Alec says after a moment, apparently unsure of how to respond to social niceties. Magnus can hardly believe this man is related to Maryse Lightwood. Alec continues, easily slipping into his manager persona once again, straightening almost imperceptibly in his seat. “The shipment is coming in at four today. Have you stocked the books before?”

“Yes,” Magnus answers tightly. He’s been working here for three months - how incompetent does Alec think he is? 

“Good. Do you need anything else from me?” Alec asks, eyes already back on the damn computer. 

Magnus blinks. He knows a dismissal when he hears one. He shakes his head abruptly and spins on his heel, leaving the office quickly.

He doesn’t actually see Alec again until a few hours later, well after the order has been delivered. Magnus is finishing up the restock, is placing the last few books on the highest shelves.

And here’s the thing - Magnus isn’t a little guy. He’s quite tall, in fact. He absolutely dwarfs Isabelle, even in her completely impractical heels. He’s easily taller than Maryse, Jace, and Max. And, well, not Luke, but he’s a giant, so he doesn’t count. The point is, he doesn’t use the step stool that his shorter coworkers need in order to put away the books on the higher shelves - he doesn’t _ need to_.

And if not using the step stool means he has to stand on his toes and strain just the slightest bit to place books on the top shelves, he’s quite fine with that, so long as he gets to lord his superior height over Jace.

So he’s leaning up, is balancing himself delicately against the shelf to put away the newest copy of _ My Life as a Goddess, _ when a hand appears over his, pulls the book easily from his grip, and slides it into the space allotted. Magnus jumps, shocked, and makes an undignified sound when he bumps into a solid mass behind him. 

He turns to see Alec standing right there, so _ so _ close. His heart is fluttering high in his chest and he’s sure that he’s flushed, can feel the heat on his cheeks. Absently, he notices that Alec’s sweater is indeed as soft as it looks, and he yanks his hand away when he realizes that he’s left it resting against the other man’s chest.

“You looked like you needed help,” Alec says, smiling crookedly down at him, and Magnus thinks that he might die. Alec’s eyes are an absolutely lovely hazel color, and he’s got crinkles around them when he smiles that Magnus would pay good money to be allowed to see every day. 

“I - I didn’t.” He answers belatedly, leaning back against the shelf, ignoring the way his heart hammers in his chest, the way that his fingers tingle where he was touching Alec just moments ago.

“Maybe use the step stool next time? We provide it for a reason.” Alec says, still in a hushed tone that has Magnus’s mouth dry. 

“I don’t need it,” he argues pointlessly. Jace isn’t here. There’s nothing to be gained from insisting that he’s tall enough, and yet Magnus can’t stop himself from continuing. “I’m six feet tall.”

Alec raises his brows at that, and Magnus vows that he hates that stupid fucking smug expression. He can’t wait for these two months to be over already. Summer sucks.

“...Almost six feet tall,” he finally amends, dropping his gaze to Alec’s neck, and noting with some surprise the dark edge of a tattoo peeking out from under the collar of the button-down he’s got on under his sweater.

Magnus swallows roughly at the unbidden thought of tracing along the line with his tongue, of seeing just where it leads. 

Alec abruptly steps back from him, clearing his throat distractedly. He’s got his manager face back on, and Magnus swallows back the taste of disappointment blooming in his mouth.

“Right. Well, please make sure to properly use the tools provided in case of workplace accidents. We’ve got everything on camera for documentation purposes, and our insurance won’t cover injuries if you’re not following procedure.” 

Alec pauses after that, sweeps his gaze around them quickly before taking a half step closer, speaking quietly once more, his eyes cast down between them, lashes dark against his skin. “Unless you need me to help you, of course.”

The breath catches in Magnus’s throat, and his mind spins at the heady thought of Alec boxing him in like that, of being bracketed by Alec’s arms on either side, of Alec’s lips over his -

Alec steps away again, this time leaving entirely so that he can greet a customer, and Magnus stares after him in wonderment, absently running his fingers over the rough edge of his apron as he processes just how fucked he is. 

\---

“You _ like _ him,” Meliorn says the next day, mischief gleaming in his friendly gaze. 

Magnus huffs and pays for his drinks, ignoring the heat that slowly crawls up his neck at just the thought of Alec. He’s stopped in to the coffee shop right across the street from _ Ouroboros _before work, as he does every Tuesday afternoon - those are the shifts when Meliorn works, and he always upgrades Magnus’s drinks for free.

What had initially started as a mutual exchange of employee discounts at their respective workplaces quickly evolved over the past few months. These days Magnus often finds himself calling, texting, or hanging out with Mel whenever they’re both off work.

“I think he’s _ handsome,” _ he primly corrects, following his friend to the espresso machine to watch him make the drink that Magnus has just purchased for Alec on a whim. (He already regrets it.) “I don’t much like anything else about him besides his face.”

Meliorn tuts and shoots him a look over the top of the machine, and Magnus frowns back. 

“The Lightwoods... Nothing but a bunch of heartbreakers, hm?” He says after a moment, and Magnus wrinkles his brow, confused, before remembering that Meliorn and Izzy dated seriously once upon a time. 

He’s immediately mortified. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mel -”

Meliorn waves Magnus’s concern away with a gentle smile and hands him two drinks - tea for him, a latte for Alec. “It is nothing, Bane. We are each happier apart. Clary is a much better match for Isabelle - they’re both fueled by the same fire.” 

“Are - are you sure? I really am sorry.” Meliorn rolls his eyes from across the counter and Magnus frowns at him. “I just mean - I should have thought -”

“Magnus.” Meliorn interrupts, accepting a cup from his coworker and reading the drink she’s scribbled onto the side. He nods to himself and starts setting up the items he needs before he continues. “We were over long before you came into either of our lives - do not worry yourself over ancient history.”

“I - “ Magnus starts again, but stops short when Meliorn eyes him sharply over the espresso machine. He checks his phone as Mel makes the drink. He’s got to go soon or he’ll be ‘late’. “- okay. I’ll, uh - I’ll talk to you later, then?” He asks, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

“Of course you will, my dear,” Meliorn answers easily, and Magnus is immediately grateful for his best friend. Then he opens his mouth and speaks again, and Magnus’s gratitude disappears instantly at his teasing words. “Now go woo your beloved.” 

Magnus shuts his eyes for a second, collecting himself. He refuses to return Meliorn’s mocking wave and spins on his heel, marching out of the coffee shop and across the street to _ Ouroboros. _

“I’m on time today,” he greets as he opens the front door, surprising Alec from a conversation with a customer. He flushes when he realizes that the lovely young woman to whom Alec had been speaking is now staring at him like he’s got two heads.

Alec looks at Magnus with something unreadable in his eyes. He glances at the clock for a second before his gaze slides back over, amusement softening his features. “It’s good to see you too, Magnus,” he answers, and Magnus allows a small smile to curl across his lips. 

“Um. I brought you this.” Magnus says after a moment, looking down at the drink in his left hand. He steps forward, setting it on the counter, and flushes further, avoiding Alec’s surprised expression. “I’m just gonna,” he points towards the back of the store, weakly indicating towards the office. 

Alec nods wordlessly and Magnus slips away, leaving him to the bewildered customer and her copy of _ Leaves of Grass_. 

\---

A few nights later, Magnus sighs and slumps down further into the booth at Hunter’s Moon, tapping against the table anxiously as he waits for Izzy and her brother to show up for their semi-regular Thursday night get-together. Clary tilts her head at him, concerned, and rests her small hand lightly over his, stilling the movement.

“Is it really that bad - working with him?” She ventures, unsure. She actually knows Alec better than Magnus does, has flown out to California to visit his school with Izzy once or twice since spring semester began in January. 

She told him herself that she thought there could be something between the two of them. 

Magnus tries to smile at her, lets his gaze slide from her concerned green eyes down to his half-empty glass. It’s some new lager Maia’s got on special tonight. It’s terrible.

“I think…” He starts, furrowing his brow at his disappointing beer, and ponders the man that Izzy and Clary had spent weeks telling him about versus the man that he’d actually met amongst the bookshelves. “I think you must know a different Alec Lightwood.”

Clary laughs lightly at that before cutting herself off with a sharp breath, and Magnus looks back up, the tightness in his chest already loosening at the arrival of the rest of their little group. 

Izzy is walking through the crowd, confidently leading the way to their usual booth. Magnus absently notices that she looks great, her glossy curls and red stained lips paired with a black crop top, some dark high waisted jeans, and combat boots. 

He doesn’t blame Clary for immediately falling for her - if he’d been emotionally available when they first met, who knows where the amiable spark between them would have led. Affection warms him when they make eye contact, and he can’t help the way his lips curl automatically.

The small smile freezes on his face when he looks beyond Izzy to see - not Jace, like he’d been expecting, but Alec himself following behind. 

His tall frame is noticeable from all the way across the room, and the way he winds himself through the throng of bar patrons is eerily similar to his grace among the bookshelves at work. Magnus swallows roughly and sits up straighter. He should have known, he should have at least suspected - Clary was _ so _ insistent that he come out tonight. 

He slides a subtle glare towards her, turning away abruptly when she matches his frown with an innocent smile. 

All too soon, Alec’s hazel eyes meet his and Magnus’s breath catches in his throat. His cheeks warm with the knowledge that he’s been complaining about the man in front of him to anyone who would listen for days. They warm with the knowledge that he’s also been dreaming of those plush lips on his own, those rough hands holding his wrists down, that smooth voice raw with moans - 

He’s a fraud. Who does Magnus think he’s kidding - whining about the other man the way he has been? If Alec told him to get out of his seat right now, he’d probably be on his knees in under a minute. 

“Out,” Alec says lightly, and Magnus blinks hard, startling himself with the movement. 

_ Oh. _ He opens his mouth, suddenly rather unsure of himself, and pushes his glasses farther up his nose. Right here - in front of everyone? Perhaps he’d rather not.

Alec furrows his brow and frowns, and Magnus flushes, just continues gaping up at him. 

The moment stretches an uncomfortably long time, and Clary finally coughs, draws their attention away from each other.

She stands, shuffles to make her way out of her side of the booth, glaring at Magnus all the while. “Here, Alec - you can sit with me.”

Magnus blinks again when Alec sighs and acquiesces, stepping around his sister to slide into the booth with Clary. 

Right. Right. Alec just wanted to sit next to him. Right. He wasn’t - Magnus wasn’t supposed to actually go down to his knees - right, right, right. Of course.

And now he’s made himself look like the asshole of the century, if Clary’s unimpressed glare is anything to go by.

“I’m, uh, sorry,” he tries, ducking his face and tucking himself closer to the wall so that Izzy can slide in next to him, can at least sit across from her girlfriend. “I don’t -” he cuts himself off and raises his glass to take a drink, unsure of how he can possibly explain himself to Alec without looking like a total freak.

Fortunately, that’s when Izzy senses his panic and steps in, always eager to help out. 

Unfortunately, she decides to assist by saying, “Magnus doesn’t like to sit _ next _ to his dates. He wants to look at your pretty face, Alec.”

Magnus tries not to choke on his (truly awful) beer, and narrowly avoids slamming the glass down on the table. He studiously does not look up at Alec; he instead chooses to try to stare holes into the wood between them, feeling himself warm all the way up to his hairline.

Clary starts laughing and Magnus cracks a little, sneaks a glance at her. Then she catches him looking and suddenly he’s laughing too, and Izzy’s giggling at her own joke, and finally Alec joins in, and it feels like everything might turn out alright, like maybe Magnus will be able to act like a normal person for once instead of a hopeless romantic, and maybe Alec will actually like him back, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll be happy together.

But then the moment ends, and Alec and Clary go to buy drinks for the table, and his ex shows up, and Magnus realizes that he’s just being stupid again.

Camille leans against the bar, smiles at Maia while the taller woman pours her drink, and the joy he’d just been feeling drains away, is replaced by anxiety. Alec and Clary are several spaces closer, are ordering from a different bartender. 

Izzy follows his line of sight and stiffens. 

“I should, I should go say hi -” Magnus starts, trying to hold back the dread curling in his stomach. He knows what happens when he doesn’t, knows he’ll receive a barrage of unpleasant texts and worse by the end of the night if he tries to get out of this weird arrangement they’ve got going on.

He moves to encourage Izzy to let him out and she turns back to face him, a small but fierce frown curling her lips downward. Despite the frown, her eyes are gentle and sympathetic as she speaks. “No, Magnus, you really, really shouldn’t.”

She’s heard all about Camille, despite having met Magnus well after the relationship ended. Well. The _ first _ time it ended. 

“Iz, I have to.” Magnus starts, squeezing his hands together. It’s better to go over and talk to her now, get it out of the way, rather than risk her coming over and joining the group, introducing herself to everyone, insinuating herself into this little family that he’s somehow been lucky enough to join. He doesn’t think he could take it if she did that.

And Izzy doesn’t even really know, he realizes. He's never taken the time to fill her in on the full extent of the mess he’s gotten himself into over the past few months. He starts again, “I owe -”

“You don’t owe her _ shit, _ Magnus.” She interrupts, her tone uncharacteristically harsh. Magnus can’t help his small flinch, and her eyes immediately widen. “Oh shit, Mags, I’m so sorry. I’m not mad at you, I swear -”

“Who’s Izzy mad at?” Alec asks lightly, sliding another of those fucking beers to Magnus. God, he wants a martini. He never should’ve fallen for the lure of an alcoholic drink on sale. 

“Probably _ you, _ since you made her late tonight,” Clary chides, slipping in next to him and handing a pretty mixed drink to her girlfriend. Izzy accepts it graciously and grins across the table at her brother, irritation already smoothed away from the planes of her face.

Alec looks affronted at the redhead next to him. “How do you know it wasn’t _ her _ fault we were late?!”

“Please, like I’m ever late for anything.” Izzy answers easily, and Clary laughs, clearly delighted and looking sickeningly in love. Izzy winks at her before taking a sip of her drink and turning to Magnus, mischief crinkling the skin around her eyes. “I almost couldn’t get Alec out the door - he was having a total meltdown over his hair.”

Magnus glances across the table at Alec, who’s sending Izzy a brutal glare - is clearly trying to warn her off from continuing. He can’t imagine being on the receiving end of that expression.

Heedless of her older brother’s frustration, Izzy launches into a clearly practiced impression of him. “Don’t wanna look stupid in front of Magnus,” she drawls slowly in a slight Californian accent, her voice comically deep. She moves her hands as she speaks, and Magnus realizes that Alec _ does _ talk with his hands, that he _ does _ have a bit of an accent, that he _ does _ actually speak slower than his younger siblings. 

Magnus is a little impressed. Alec clearly isn’t.

“I don’t sound like that, moron,” Alec says. He does, in fact, sound like that. 

Magnus smiles into his glass and takes a sip, grimacing at the taste. Alec turns to him next, expression deadly serious.

“None of that happened,” he insists, his large hands gripping the pint glass in front of him. It’s the same terrible beer Magnus is drinking.

“I believe you,” he lies easily, and watches closely to see if Alec hates it as well. 

The other man takes a rather large drink to cover his flush and cringes as it goes down, sending Magnus an unconvincing smile when he notices him staring. 

“It’s - different,” Alec says kindly about the beer, glancing over at Clary and Izzy. They’re already deep in love-mode, are holding hands over the table and speaking in low tones - it’s their own little world. Magnus envies them with every bone in his body.

“It’s terrible,” he answers, perhaps a bit harsher than the beer entirely deserves. “They tried to make a lager taste like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich - just disgusting. The brewers were clearly high.”

Alec huffs out a laugh at that, drawing Magnus’s gaze like a moth to a flame. His eyes are sparkling and he looks softer somehow - just as strong, like he could easily throw Magnus over his shoulder (where did _ that _ thought come from?!), but more approachable, maybe. 

He’s laughing like he thinks Magnus is funny, like Magnus is someone he wants to be around. Magnus feels himself flush, warming with pleasure from Alec’s smile. He forces himself to look away, to not stare like an idiot. 

Maybe, he thinks as he scans the bar. Maybe - 

Oh. 

Camille is looking right at him from halfway across the crowd. Her expression is curiously blank. 

And he knows - he has to stop this before it gets bad. 

“So I’ve gotta go -” he says, nudging Izzy. He makes the mistake of glancing up at Alec, and is met with a concerned gaze. 

Isabelle seems to snap out of Clizzy-land. “Wait, you can’t go yet - I haven’t even shown you Alec’s baby pictures!” She pulls out her phone to unlock it and Alec snatches it from her hand, his long arm reaching across the table with an easy grace.

“Yeah, I’m not sure that it’s appropriate to share embarrassing pictures of the boss,” Alec answers in his characteristic slow drawl, and Izzy laughs at him, ever in on the joke.

“You’re not the _ boss, _ Alec. You barely have any more power than me or Jace - you can’t fire or hire anyone.” 

Magnus’s attention turns to Alec at that, and he crinkles his brow. To his credit, Alec looks absolutely mortified. 

He tries to argue, “Mom said she’d listen to my staffing recommendations -”

Izzy rolls her eyes and cuts him off. Magnus is enthralled by the drama. “She said that so you’d get on the plane, Alec. You’re here to get the finances in check, babysit Jace and Max, and watch the loft.”

“Iz,” Alec starts and glances sharply at Magnus, and he realizes that he’s probably not supposed to hear all of this. He makes to move again, but Izzy pins him in place with a raised brow. 

“Seriously, Alec,” she turns back to face her brother and continues, copying his slow speech pattern once more. “You can’t even _ discipline _ someone without her approval.” 

Somehow the way the word curls over her tongue has Magnus flushing and gripping his glass tightly. 

He blinks several times, tries unsuccessfully to not think of Alec disciplining him (those hands on his skin, strong and hard and - inappropriate. So, _ so _ inappropriate.)

Magnus jumps when his phone trills. He knows that notification sound. He’s got to go, now, before Camille gets angry and comes over.

“I really need to go, like now,” he says to Izzy, eyes wide and tone entreating. She looks ready to shake her head, refuse to move again, but her eyes catch on Alec and she pauses.

After a moment, she breaks the gaze and looks back at Magnus, smiling sadly before speaking to the table. “Sorry guys, looks like Cinderella’s carriage is about to turn into a pumpkin.” 

Magnus rolls his eyes at her teasing tone, but he scoots out of the booth and accepts her goodbye embrace all the same. He can’t help the smile that breaks over his face when Clary stands too, comes up to kiss his cheek and straighten his beige cardigan. She rights his slightly skewed glasses and goes up on her toes, kisses his other cheek. 

“Thanks for coming out with us, Mags,” she says, and Magnus kisses her cheek in return, ruffles her red hair for good measure. 

“I had a good time - thanks for inviting me,” he answers, and he hesitates, unsure if he’s supposed to say anything to Alec.

He’s the only one who hasn’t said anything about him leaving. And Magnus isn’t about to hold his breath waiting for a soliloquy, but a simple “bye” might be nice.

Just as Magnus is ready to give up, step away from his friends to face the music, Alec seems to reboot. He takes a deep breath and turns to face Magnus, visibly nervous, fingers tapping against the tabletop in a mirror of what Magnus himself had been doing before either of the Lightwood siblings arrived this evening.

The words leave his mouth in a rush, as if it was a fight to gather them in the first place, and now they’re all tumbling out at the same time. “I was thinking of leaving soon too. D’you want me to walk you back to your place? I can take you, make sure you get home safe.” 

And, oh. Magnus _ does _ want Alec to walk him home. There’s nothing he wants more (besides maybe Alec in his bed, a little bit of extra income, maybe a cat), but he can’t - not tonight.

So he forces himself to decline, hopes against hope that Alec won’t take it personally, that Alec will get the message he’s trying desperately to transmit. “I’m okay, but thanks for offering.” _ I’m not actually going home. Not tonight. Ask me any night Camille’s not here. _

\---

After that, the schedule starts to shift, and Magnus works more evenings with Alec. Izzy says it’s because Max likes to work early during the summer so that he can spend the afternoons out with his friends, but Magnus has heard the youngest Lightwood complain about having to wake up before dawn a few too many times to fully believe that.

Regardless, he finds that the more he works with Alec, the more he doesn’t actually hate it. Alec is prickly, yes, and arrogant, _ yes_, but he’s also genuinely funny at times, and he continually surprises Magnus.

Right now Magnus is sitting on the stool behind the counter, is trying his best to look stern while Alec lectures a group of children about the dangers of dog-earring the pages of their books. 

Magnus can’t hold back the amusement any longer when Alec finishes his diatribe, sending the boys along with a couple of nice bookmarks each, eyes bright and smiles brighter.

He slides off of the stool as Alec straightens, and they make eye contact across the counter. At once, Alec’s gaze is too heavy, too intense for Magnus to hold. It’s gentle, leftover affection for the boys settling heavily in the space beneath Magnus’s heart. 

He drops the contact, looks down at the counter between them. Errantly wishes that Alec reserved that kind of affection for him. Banishes the thought immediately.

“Um. You’re good with kids,” he says after a moment, feeling his ears warm. 

He looks up when he hears Alec inhale sharply, watches him swallow in profile. Alec looks uncomfortable, like he’d rather be anywhere other than right here, right now. 

“Well,” he starts slowly, hesitantly. Magnus perks up, intrigued, when Alec turns to fully face him. Alec still looks uncomfortable, but his voice has this weird flatness to it - like he’s said this sentence many times before, like he expects to say it many more times over the course of his life.

“I’m the oldest - I’ve got to continue the family name. Kids are a big part of my future.”

“What?” Magnus can’t stop himself from saying, rather dumbfounded. “Why on Earth would it be your responsibility to ‘continue the family name’?”

Alec opens his mouth to answer, but Magnus continues speaking, gaining steam once he’s started asking the questions that have been bouncing around his mind since the first time Maryse mentioned her oldest son taking over the store in her absence. 

“There are four of you - _ three _ adults, by the way. Why do _ you _ have to fix the finances? Why is _ any of this _ your responsibility? Why did you have to come all the way across the country at all? Why are you talking about your future as if it’s already been laid out for you?” 

Alec breaks eye contact and turns away, and Magnus knows he’s struck a nerve. He forces himself to stop asking questions, to give Alec the space to respond.

“That’s what family is, isn’t it?” Alec says after an extended pause, tone surprisingly soft. He turns back when Magnus doesn’t immediately answer, his voice stronger and gaze intense once again. The words he says are practiced. Well-worn. “It’s responsibility. Protecting your siblings. Doing what you have to. Making sacrifices for the greater good.” 

Magnus looks down at the counter between them and thinks of the funeral all those years ago. A suit, far too big for his small body. Pain. Pain. So much pain. The disgust in his stepfather’s face, the water - how he’d struggled harder than he thought was possible. 

A man with eyes like his, that strange, almost golden color - like sunlight filtering through a glass of whiskey. The hope he’d felt at not being alone anymore. Then a different kind of pain. And later, a new feeling - disappointment. The phone contact he’d eventually erased, after years of broken promises and hearts. 

His father still calls sometimes. Magnus doesn’t answer anymore.

“Um -” he starts, swallowing back the emotion rising in his throat. “I wouldn’t know.”

\---

A tentative sort of peace settles between the two of them. Alec seems to relax a bit, starts to let Magnus actually do his job instead of micromanaging him to within an inch of his life. Magnus begins to enjoy the time that they spend working together. 

A week passes by in a blur of fluttering pages and murmured conversations. 

They’ve got a signing tonight - some local author is releasing the second book in her historical fiction series, and it’s apparently been hotly anticipated for several years now. Magnus has been through enough of these events to know that it’ll start off rushed, with several dozen people clamoring for an autograph and a picture before eventually tapering off to the few hardcore fans who just want to hang around and chat for several hours.

He and Alec won’t get out of here on time tonight, not with the new shipment only half put away, but Magnus finds that he’s quite alright with that. His empty apartment can wait an extra hour or so.

The author herself is quite a personality - she’s tall, almost as tall as Magnus, and her melodic voice seems to fill the room, entrancing her guests all at once. She tells family stories, legends of heroes and demons passed down through the generations. 

Much of her series is based on these stories, and Magnus discreetly turns away, sets aside a copy of each of her books behind the register, promises himself that he’ll make time to sit down and read them someday. 

He feels eyes on his back before he straightens and turns around to face the room again. Alec is watching him from across the crowd, an amused expression on his face. Magnus flushes, sends him a bashful smile in return, fixing his glasses with a shaking hand. 

Magnus spends the rest of the evening helping customers check out. Alec appears to be in good spirits - the event garnered more interest than either of them anticipated, and their sales for the day are getting a little boost because of it. 

It takes longer than he’d have liked, but finally the last few customers are taken care of, and Alec locks the door behind them. He turns around to face Magnus, who’s still standing behind the counter, and lets out a relieved chuckle, brushing his hand through his hair. It’s become progressively messier over the course of the evening, pulled from its usual neat gelled style. 

Magnus swallows at Alec’s rumpled state and smiles at him, pressing his shaking hands against the counter. “Long day?” He asks, more to break the tension he can feel simmering between them than anything else.

“The longest,” Alec answers with a chuckle, pushing away from the door. “But I’m glad it was with you.”

Magnus makes a quiet “oh” sound and pushes his glasses up from where they’ve slipped down his nose, trying to hold back the goofy smile that threatens to overtake his face.

“I’m glad it was with you too,” he manages eventually, only to look back up and see that Alec has already stepped away, is straightening the table displays behind the window. 

He thinks to himself that it’s probably better that way, that he can’t possibly make a fool of himself in front of Alec if Alec isn’t even paying attention, and ignores the disappointed pang in his chest. He sighs and decides to work on trying to finish putting the order away. 

Magnus is stacking copies of _ Confessions of the Fox _ when he’s startled from his thoughts by a throat clearing behind him. He jumps and his glasses slide down precariously far, screws loose from age. 

He turns, hand over his chest, to see Alec looking apologetically at him, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly with a hand in his pocket. 

“God - I’m sorry, I was trying not to scare you.”

“I wasn’t scared,” Magnus denies automatically, turning fully and leaning against the table behind him in an attempt to seem casual. He lifts his chin when Alec looks mildly disbelieving and continues. “You just - you just surprised me.”

Alec considers him for a moment, a strange sparkle in his eyes. “Right. Well, I didn’t mean to _ surprise _ you, then.” 

They stare at each other for a long second before Alec clears his throat again. “Ah, I was going to step out for a minute. Will you be alright?”

Magnus quirks his lips in a small smile, pushing his glasses back into an acceptable position. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine. Go do your thing.”

Alec is back inside of fifteen minutes later, reappearing just as Magnus has sat on the floor to start unfolding the boxes from their order. 

“Need a break?” Alec asks, a small smile curling his lips.

He’s got a pizza box in one hand and he’s holding a six-pack of Magnus’s favorite shitty beer in the other, is leaning against the shelf at the end of the aisle. 

Magnus has long since turned off the main overhead lights, is instead relying on several old floor lamps to illuminate the shelves where he’s been working. Magnus loves them - they lend everything that happens after close a fantastical quality, all low golden light and long flickering shadows.

Right now, Alec is looking down at him with such gentleness in his expression, is lit so softly by the warm light of the lamp nearest them. His presence makes Magnus’s heart thump painfully, jump up into his throat. 

“I -” he starts, unsure of what he can say without revealing how gone for Alec he really is. Then Alec blinks and suddenly looks hesitant, like he thinks he might be overstepping. Magnus makes a decision then. 

“Yeah, definitely!” He chirps, sounding far more confident than he feels. Alec breaks into a true smile at that, and Magnus makes grabby hands from where he’s seated on the floor. “You better have gotten pineapple on it, or I’m kicking you out.”

Alec laughs and steps forward, gingerly handing Magnus both the box and the beer, and carefully folds his mile long legs under himself, settling close enough that their knees are almost brushing.

“Don’t worry - Izzy told me what you like.” And Alec must see the surprise register on Magnus’s face, because he colors immediately, drops his gaze and grabs a bottle of beer. 

Magnus can’t help but tease, emboldened by Alec’s uncharacteristic flush. He speaks softly, his low voice almost a purr. “Did she now? She say anything else about me?” 

He’s surprised when Alec nods and turns back to him, eyes serious and words slow. “She said… She said that you’re a lot like me.”

Magnus tilts his head, his stomach swooping at the way Alec’s lashes fan out over his skin when he blinks. He gathers his courage, ventures, “how so?”

“She thinks we’re both lonely.”

Magnus sucks in a breath. He isn’t really surprised. Or, if he is, he shouldn’t be.

Truthfully, Izzy has been anything but subtle about her opinion of Magnus’s relationship status. But somehow, something about the notion of his twenty-four year old friend thinking he’s desperately alone while sailing through life with her soulmate strikes him as profoundly unfair, and he frowns, thoughtful.

Then he looks back up at Alec, who’s regarding him with a shrewd gaze, and realizes that this is the most vulnerable he’s allowed himself to be with another person in years. That if he’s this lonely, Alec is more than likely lonely as well. And then he thinks _ fuck it. _

He holds up his open bottle and clinks it to Alec’s in a mock toast. 

“To us - two lonely bastards.”

Alec smirks at him and Magnus’s heart stutters in his chest. 

“To us,” he answers easily, and with that, they drink.

\---

They’re working together again, though Magnus definitely shouldn’t be surprised about that at this point. He’s not complaining, either - his shifts with Alec have been some of the best in recent memory. 

Magnus smiles to himself as he thinks about the beginning of their shift today.

Alec had pulled Magnus aside when he first walked in the store, had asked to speak with him privately, had looked rather grim as he led the way to the office.

Magnus’s heart had immediately jumped into his throat and his stomach had clenched unpleasantly. Was he late? Was he fired? He’d thought that things were going so well; he’d even thought - _ hoped _ \- that Alec might perhaps like him. He wasn’t ready to lose this job - not when he was truly just getting settled in New York City.

Then Alec had surprised him, as he so often does.

-

_ “I didn’t - I don’t know what kind you’d like, so I just got one of each of the classics.” Alec says, still looking for all the world like he’s at a funeral. Magnus tilts his head, not comprehending. _

_ Alec just gestures towards the box on the desk, beckoning Magnus to look inside. So he carefully steps over, lifts the lid just the slightest amount in order to take a peek. _

_ “Doughnuts?” Magnus asks, feeling off-kilter. So he isn’t being fired, then. He opens the box further and examines the contents, wondering vaguely if the blueberry cake has already been claimed. _

_ “From that place you mentioned wanting to try,” Alec answers. He sounds supremely uncomfortable, as if he’s reconsidering his life and all of his choices. _

_ Magnus can’t quite bring himself to care - he really wants that blueberry cake doughnut. Jace always steals them before he has a chance to try. Then something clicks in his mind, and he pulls back from the box, looking up at the taller man. “You went to Junior’s for these? That’s all the way across town - you didn’t have to do that.” _

_ “It’s not far from where I’m staying,” Alec says noncommittally, shrugging one shoulder. He continues, “take whichever you want. No one else knows I got them yet.” _

_ “Oh,” Magnus says shortly, dumbfounded. _

-

He pushes away the lingering smile and straightens up when Alec emerges from the shelves with Jace, a scowl over his face as he talks to his younger brother. 

Magnus catches the last vestiges of Alec’s tirade. 

“ - expecting you, Jace! You can’t just dip because you found something better to do with your Saturday night.”

Jace, unsurprisingly, looks pissed. He’s been in a mood since he found out that Alec brought in doughnuts and didn’t save him his favorite. 

Jace shoots back. “So what, they’re expecting me? They don’t even know who I am -” Alec rolls his eyes at that, mutters something like _ that’s not the point_, and Jace turns to face the counter, points rather rudely towards Magnus. “- just take him if you’re that lonely.” 

Magnus raises his brows in surprise and looks at Alec questioningly. The taller man looks apologetic - his full lips are downturned, and Magnus feels a phantom tug in his stomach. 

Jace speaks again, drawing Magnus’s attention. “Alec’s volunteering at this homeless shelter prom thing and he needs a date -”

“It’s not a date,” Alec interrupts quickly, looking rather flustered. Magnus nods unsurely, beckoning him to continue. “I’m _ chaperoning, _ and I promised the kids I’d bring someone special for them to meet.”

“So Magnus is perfect then,” Jace goads, clearly sensing how close he is to getting off the hook. 

Alec’s gaze softens, and Magnus swallows, pushes his glasses up nervously, feels his face color. Then Alec furrows his brow once more, turns to face his brother with an edge to his voice.

“Only if he wants to.”

Jace looks pleadingly at Magnus, mouths _ I’ll owe you, _ and Magnus allows himself to think about it for a second. Spending time outside of the bookstore with Alec sounds dangerous...but also kind of nice. He could do with nice.

Decision made, Magnus smiles at the brothers and speaks. “Two lonely bastards?” 

His heart soars when Alec grins and answers. “Two lonely bastards.”

Jace just glances back and forth between the two of them, frowning. 

\---

“It’s not a prom either,” Alec says later that evening. He and Magnus have just finished helping a group of older women pick out several books for their reading circle, and Magnus is writing a note of all of the extras they’ll need to order to accommodate the group’s requests for the next few weeks.

He pauses in his writing and looks at Alec over the rim of his glasses. 

“It’s more like a,” Alec pauses, searching for the right way to phrase what he wants to say. 

Magnus knows the feeling - sometimes he wonders if working in a bookstore, being surrounded by thousands of other people’s words day after day, makes it harder to come up with one’s own. That’s probably silly, though. 

“Like a homecoming - we’re welcoming anyone who’s new, trying to help them feel wanted and loved.” 

“Oh,” Magnus answers shortly, a smile blooming across his face. “That sounds wonderful.” 

After they close the store, Alec leads Magnus to his car - it’s actually Maryse’s, but Alec’s taking care of it while she’s out of town. Magnus throws his backpack in the back and settles in to the passenger seat. 

Once he’s comfortable, he looks across the console at Alec, who’s watching him with a gentle expression on his face. Alec shifts in his seat, turning to face the steering wheel and clearing his throat when they make eye contact, and Magnus hides a small smile behind his hand. 

“Hey,” Alec starts, pulling out of their space in the parking garage. “Do you mind if we stop at the loft so I can change? We’ve got a little bit of time - we’re on second shift, from ten to one.”

“Not at all, go ahead,” Magnus says. Then he looks down at his own outfit (dark skinny jeans and an old black button down - it’s laundry day) and continues. “Wait, do I need to change?”

“No!” Alec answers quickly. “You look hot.”

He coughs behind his hand and merges out onto the street. “I meant - I meant _ appropriate. _ You look entirely appropriate for chaperoning.”

Magnus just laughs, delighted.

\---

They arrive at the shelter with a few minutes to spare before their shift starts, and Alec takes the time to introduce him around to some of the older kids. 

Marco, Kim, Bethany, Daryl, Taylor, Daya. He’s never met these kids before, but somehow, Magnus knows all of them. 

He sees himself in the way Cloud wraps their arms around themselves, pushes their glasses up to hide a chuckle.

He sees himself in the way Tyra laughs louder than the rest of her friends, her fingers picking nervously at the frayed edge of her sweater. 

He sees himself in the way Nathan ducks his head, his eyes darting around to the people surrounding him.

Aline is the last resident he meets - she’s seventeen, and she’s been with the shelter off and on for over four years. She hugs Alec as soon as she sees the two of them, her long, sleek hair dyed in varying shades of pink. When she pulls back, she looks at Magnus critically. 

He swallows and tries not to fidget, remembering all at once how terrifying teenagers can be.

After a long moment, she steps forward and embraces him - surprised, he melts into the hug and wraps his arms around her. 

“You lost your mom too, huh?” She asks, and Magnus’s breath catches in his chest. He meets Alec’s gaze over her shoulder and nods, closing his eyes when she grips his waist tighter. 

After Aline leaves to find her friends, Alec steps close, places a large hand to the small of Magnus’s back. He can feel the heat through his shirt, has to resist pressing back against it. 

“You okay?” Alec asks, and Magnus doesn’t know what to say besides _ there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, _ so he just nods. 

They watch the kids interact for a few minutes in silence, Alec’s hand still resting lightly against Magnus’s back.

“I ran away once,” Alec says, and Magnus turns his head so fast he gets a crick in his neck.

“What?!” He asks, looking up at the man next to him, and brings a hand up to rub the juncture of his shoulder and neck.

Alec shrugs a shoulder nonchalantly and doesn’t take his eyes away from a small group of teens on the dancefloor. “It’s how I found this place,” he starts. 

“My dad wasn’t into - you know. Having a gay son.”

Magnus nods slowly, his brow furrowed. He’s not sure if he should say anything, so he just leans closer, hopes that their shared body heat is a comfort for Alec.

“Being able to come here really helped. A few days away from home to cool off - it was what we both needed.”

Magnus swallows, his eyes trailing along the tense line of Alec’s mouth. “And now?” He ventures, too curious to stop himself. Izzy has said that Robert lives out in California too - he wonders if Alec ever sees him.

“We’ve come to an understanding,” Alec answers lightly, and shifts so that his hand is just curled around Magnus’s waist, the movement so subtle that it may well have been subconscious. Magnus shamelessly hopes that’s not the case. 

He tries not to shiver at the contact and hides a smile by pushing his glasses up his nose. Then he considers Alec’s words for a moment, and something sticks out to him.

“What about Izzy? Did he - react badly when she came out?” 

And Magnus might be mistaken, but Alec’s smile almost looks bitter when he responds. “No, it was totally different. Mom and Dad were already divorced then, and I think he was afraid of losing what little family he had left at that point.”

Alec pauses, calls out to two teens who appear to be attempting to fornicate on the dancefloor. Magnus tries not to be disappointed when Alec lets go of him entirely in order to separate the children. 

When they’ve been properly chastened, Alec returns with a cup in each hand. 

“I don’t think the punch has been spiked, but we should probably test it to be sure,” Alec says, and Magnus matches his smile, accepts one of the cups. 

They clink the edges of their cups together, and Alec murmurs under his breath, “two lonely bastards,” before they each take a sip.

Magnus cringes as it goes down. It’s not that the punch is spiked - it’s not even that bad, if he’s honest. He’s just been thinking about how Alec’s told him a lot of personal details about himself tonight, and how Alec doesn’t really know that much about him, and he’s come to the conclusion that maybe he should change that.

And somehow Alec already knows something’s up - he’s watching Magnus over the rim of his cup, is paying much closer attention to him than to the teenagers that they’re supposed to be supervising. 

Magnus doesn’t know how to start. 

“My ex messes with me sometimes,” he blurts out rather inelegantly.

Alec furrows his brow, tilts his head a little bit. He eyes Magnus almost warily. Magnus can’t blame him, not with the bomb he’s about to drop.

“I dated this girl for a few years before I moved to the city permanently. We actually, uh. We broke up right before I started working for your mom,” he starts, and hopes that he’s not on his way to scaring off the only man who’s shown a passing interest in him in, well, ever.

“Okay - and she won’t leave you alone now?” Alec guesses after a moment of silence, apparently trying to help Magnus along.

“Yeah, but that’s not all of it. It was - it was pretty serious. When we were on, we were _ on. _”

Alec nods, and Magnus worries that he’s still not being clear enough.

“I thought I was gonna marry her one day,” he says, tone almost insistent.

“Oh!” Alec says, and he looks a little confused, as if he’s not sure where Magnus is going with this. 

Magnus barrels on. “I even introduced her to my father.”

“Right.” Alec still isn’t getting it. Magnus needs to be more clear.

“My father is a con artist,” he says, grimacing.

“Oh.”

“And a murderer.”

Alec’s eyes widen, and Magnus feels a savage shot of pleasure at having finally surprised the man in front of him. “Oh, _ shit.” _

Magnus continues, though every fiber in his body is telling him to shut his fucking mouth - cut and run while he still can. “It happened when I was a kid. The police couldn’t prove it - he had an airtight alibi for that night, and they never found his girlfriend’s body.”

He watches Alec start to figure it out, can see the wheels turning in his mind. Alec is a lot of things - stupid is not one of them. He speaks in his typical slow manner, his tone carefully neutral. “But..._ you _ know that he did it.”

Magnus nods. “I do,” he hedges.

Alec swallows, reaches a careful hand out to cup Magnus’s elbow, steady his arm. He didn’t realize that he was shaking, that the punch in his cup was close to spilling over the edge. He takes a deep breath and speaks again.

“I was the alibi,” Magnus says out loud for the second time in his life. 

Alec blinks at that, and something shifts in his expression. Magnus drops his gaze - he doesn’t need to watch to know the myriad emotions Alec’s flickering through right about now: realization, anger, disgust. He’s felt them all before, had them all directed at him before.

He pushes his glasses farther up on his nose and starts when Alec speaks, his voice low and uncharacteristically rough.

“He _ made _ you -” Alec cuts himself off, and Magnus can’t help but look up at him. He’s shocked that Alec doesn’t look disgusted - he just looks upset and concerned. Magnus doesn’t know what to do with that; he breaks eye contact and looks down between them.

“Can I -?” Alec gestures vaguely between them. Unsure of what he means, Magnus just nods. 

Moments later, Alec’s got him wrapped in an embrace. Magnus tenses at first - is ready to pull back and protect himself if needed - but Alec just holds him, and Magnus slowly lets himself relax. 

When he’s stopped shaking so hard, Magnus makes himself pull back. He’s still not done.

Alec nods at him to continue, and Magnus feels a rush of gratitude for the man in front of him.

“_I _ introduced him and my ex - it was stupid. I guess some part of me thought that I could still have a family or something.”

Alec opens his mouth as if to say something and Magnus raises a hand, continues in a flat, robotic sort of voice. “Then, not long after, I finally realized that he would never change - he tried to get me to help him rip off some seniors with an insurance scam, and I cut him out for good. But - I didn’t realize that Camille had all of his information. 

“Then, when I broke up with her, she threatened to tell him where I lived unless I did what she wanted.”

Alec stays silent for a few moments, trying to process what he’s just been told. Then he speaks, his tone soft and words slow. “So when you say she’s _ messing _ with you -”

Magnus cuts him off, not wanting to sound any more dramatic than he already knows he does. “It’s not that bad. She basically forgets about me unless she sees me out somewhere, and she doesn’t know where I work, and I don’t really go out, and the city’s pretty big, so it’s not even all that often.”

“Magnus,” Alec says, and Magnus stops talking, looks back up at him. Alec looks so gentle that it physically hurts Magnus to hold his gaze.

“Magnus, it’s not okay for - for _ any of that _ to happen.”

“I know,” he says quickly, trying to comfort Alec, who appears to be in some distress. “I know it’s wrong, absolutely! But there’s very little I can do about it, and it’s not bad enough to warrant me uprooting my entire life, not when I’ve just started to get settled here.”

Alec leans in closer, his hazel eyes wide and sincere. He’s reaching a hand out, like he’s unsure if it’s okay to touch. Magnus wishes he would, but he doesn’t know how to say that, so he just watches Alec’s hand, suspended in the air between them. 

“Magnus,” Alec says in this urgent tone, “have you changed your number?”

Magnus freezes for a moment before he shakes his head, furrowing his brow. Why would he bother doing that?

“Have you filed a police report?” Alec prods. “Have you moved?”

“No,” he says, and he drops his gaze farther, feeling rather stupid all of a sudden. “It’s not that bad,” he argues pointlessly.

Alec closes his eyes for a moment, swallows roughly. When he answers, he seems to change his mind about what he wants to say part of the way through. “I don’t want you to - okay. Okay. I believe you, and I trust you when you say it’s not that bad.”

For the first time in weeks, Magnus feels uncomfortable with the silence between them. He’s never talked about his past before, not to anyone who didn’t already know him then. He’s scared - scared that opening up to Alec wasn’t the right call, that everything he’s worked so hard to build is going to start tumbling down around him now. 

Magnus stops his rapidly circling thoughts by stepping away, checking in with a teenager who looks lonely, is standing off to the side of the main dancefloor.

It turns out Helen is fine - she says she’s just waiting for her girlfriend to come back from the bathroom when he asks. Magnus nods distractedly, steps back to cross the floor and make his way over to Alec again, and she catches his attention, is looking up at him with the kind of open, guileless curiosity that only a teenager can muster. 

“What’s up?” He asks, smiling at her hesitantly. He takes a sip from his cup and pushes his glasses up as she gathers her words.

“Are you Alec’s boyfriend?” She finally asks, her wide eyes sincere and bright.

Magnus tries not to choke on the punch and answers in a completely calm and not at all hysterical tone. “Wha - no, absolutely not. We just work together.” 

Apparently unconvinced, Helen purses her lips at him and responds flatly. “He talks about you all the time.”

“That’s silly -” Magnus starts, already shaking his head, then stops himself. He speaks again, feeling his face start to warm. “Wait, what do you mean ‘all the time’?”

Helen looks amused, like she’s just figured something out that Magnus has yet to learn. He doesn’t like that expression one bit. “He’s here every morning, duh. He helps make breakfast and sits with us. He listens to us, makes up these lame stories for the younger kids, brings us stuff we ask for, whatever. He’s been talking about you every day for like two weeks.”

Magnus stays silent, the wheels in his mind turning infuriatingly slowly. Alec never opens the store - Magnus assumed he liked to sleep in, that he had better things to do in the morning than work. Well, Magnus thinks, looking at the kids around them, he supposes Alec _ does _ have better things to do.

“Magnus,” Helen says, her eyes flashing mischievously, “I think he _ loves _ you.”

Magnus frowns and catches Alec’s eye across the room - he’s talking to Aline of all people, and his ears are visibly red even from here. When he makes eye contact with Magnus, he immediately shifts from a set jaw and a lowered brow to a relaxed smile. 

Magnus realizes with a start that his expression has made the exact same change.

“Huh,” he says, thinking to himself - _ maybe. _

\---

It’s the next day, and Magnus is closing with Alec yet again. They haven’t really spoken since Magnus’s ill-fated admission aside from cursory greetings exchanged at the beginning of the shift. 

It’s - _ awkward _ between them, and Magnus hates it. He looks up from his pile of books and catches Alec staring from halfway across the store. Disappointment blooms under his tongue as he watches the other man’s gaze slide away quickly, settling on a customer in need of assistance. 

Magnus sighs and turns away abruptly when Alec smiles at the attractive blond man, shoving a copy of _ The Waves _ into what he damn well knows to be the wrong section. Maryse can fire him for all he cares. 

Magnus flinches when he hears Alec laugh with the customer, staring down at the book in his hands with unseeing eyes. This is what he gets for opening up. He never should have told Alec about his father, about Camille. 

He only hopes that Alec doesn’t say anything to the rest of the Lightwoods about his history, that he’s allowed to keep some part of himself private.

Magnus hefts the box of returns up and steps into the next aisle, considering what his options are: he could quit, find a new gig, try to find a new group of people. That’s probably the smart thing to do - he can make up something about needing to move for whatever reason, leave this family he’s managed to find with a little bit of grace intact. 

He’s done that plenty of times in his life. Ragnor, Dot, Elias, even Camille at the beginning... All people who opened their hearts and homes to Magnus until his ghosts came calling and eventually outweighed whatever good he brought into their lives. 

But. He doesn’t _ want _ to. He doesn’t _ want _ to lose Clary, Izzy, even their weird friend Simon. He doesn’t want to give up this little slice of heaven on Bedford Avenue.

So, Magnus decides, he can’t leave. He won’t. That leaves him with no choice but to talk to Alec about it. Great.

It’s closing time already and Magnus is no closer to figuring out how to fix the weirdness between them, how to convince Alec that he’s not evil, or that his baggage isn’t dangerous for the store and the Lightwood family. So deep in his thoughts is he, that Magnus doesn’t notice when Alec’s voice stops carrying across the store. 

He’s straining, is trying to stick a copy of one of their useless self-help books back onto the highest shelf where it belongs. A customer no doubt asked Alec to pull it down for them earlier in the day as a ruse to start a conversation. Perhaps the blond man from before. He and Alec would certainly make a striking couple. 

Magnus’s breath catches in his throat and pain thuds heavily in his chest at the thought. That other man probably comes without years of trauma, abandonment issues, dysfunctional family members, _ or _ a borderline deranged ex. 

Suddenly the book slides easily onto the shelf and Magnus is yanked from his self-pity, is so surprised that he lets out a strangled shout and stumbles backward into a solid mass, eerily similar to an encounter weeks before.

He spins quickly and comes face to face with Alec. Magnus breathes out quickly, still rather vulnerable and off-balance.

Alec steps back immediately, and Magnus’s heart swoops in his chest, emotion already dangerously close to surfacing. He barely catches himself from reaching out towards the taller man. Alec clears his throat, says. “Sorry. Sorry, I just -”

“Alexander,” Magnus interrupts hoarsely, the walls he’s got holding himself together cracking painfully under the pressure of all of these feelings for Alec. He feels like his heart is spilling out into the widening space between them, and it hurts, it _ hurts. _

“I want you,” he says, his eyes falling shut as if it’s an admission.

It’s silent for a beat, then he hears Alec breathe in sharply. Magnus feels Alec’s hand trail down his arm, settle lightly on his elbow. It’s just enough to steady his shaking. It’s exactly what he needs to be able to open his eyes again.

Alec is looking down at him gently, is somehow closer than before. His eyes are so warm, they’re practically molten right now. Magnus leans forward, resting his hands against Alec’s chest, feels the other man’s breath ghost over his face. The sensation sends a shiver down his spine. 

And Alec is speaking right now, the words sending Magnus’s hands balling in the material of his shirt. Alec slides the hand on his elbow up, wraps it around his wrist, feels the pulse flutter beneath his fingertips.

“God, I hoped -” he says, voice raw and thick. “I hoped you wanted me too -”

Magnus can’t hold back anymore after that, so he goes up onto his toes, yanks Alec in closer, and finally, _ finally, _ their lips meet. 

It’s like coming home. 

It’s everything that Magnus has spent his entire life looking for.

And Magnus knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that he belongs here.

Alec pulls back a fraction - just far enough to have the shorter man chasing his lips. “Maybe we shouldn’t -“ he starts, and Magnus cuts him off, panic at the thought of losing this so soon after finding it sending him spinning. He reverts back to their early conversations, all barbs and veiled insults.

“What - scared you can’t handle all this?” Magnus asks boldly, rolling his hips against the other man. Alec’s answering groan almost yanks a whimper from his throat, but Magnus manages to stifle it, to hold eye contact.

Alec tightens his grip on Magnus’s wrist, presses it against the bookshelf behind him, and responds with a cocky, lopsided smile. Though his eyes are blown and his tone is deceptively light, the strength with which he holds Magnus is a warning. “I’ll handle you all night, baby. Just try to hold on.”

Heath flares in his belly and Magnus leans up again, whispers a challenge into Alec’s ear.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

\---

Magnus walks into _ Ouroboros _ the next day with a hitch in his step. It takes Izzy all of three seconds to zero in and point out the slight limp, which is the least surprising thing that has happened to Magnus in at least a week. Well, besides the fact that he managed to lose his glasses the night before when he and Alec went at it amongst the bookshelves.

Which brings him back to why he’s at the bookstore on his day off. He shrugs off Izzy’s laser-like focus and concentrates on trying to remember which section they were in the last time he remembers having his glasses on. 

Izzy follows him as he trudges through the store, squinting down at the floor.

She doesn’t seem to mind that he’s ignoring her completely, that he hasn’t said a word since he stepped inside. “Seriously, Magnus, what happened to you?! You look like you’ve been in a fight! You’ve got bruises all over, you’re walking funny, and Clary found these by the register this morning!”

Magnus wheels around to face his friend, surprised and chastened to see her delicately holding his glasses by one of the temple tips. He groans when Izzy drops them into his outstretched hands - they’re broken, the bridge bent at an awkward angle. 

“Magnus!” He jumps and looks up at her. She’s worrying her lip between her teeth, her brow is furrowed in concern. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, Iz, I’m just clumsy,” he tries to answer in a placating tone, but his friend isn’t hearing it.

“This is Alec’s fault, isn’t it?” Izzy accuses, and Magnus jerks back. There’s no way they were that obvious, was there?

“Uh, no -” Magnus starts, but Izzy has already pulled her phone out and is now Facetiming her mother, murder in her eyes. 

Magnus’s stomach sinks when Maryse answers almost immediately with a bright _ “Buenos dias, mija! Comó estás?” _

“I’m fine, Mama, but Magnus isn’t!” Magnus glares at his friend. Snitch. Izzy glares right back at him, daring him to argue with her in front of Maryse. 

_ “Oh no! What happened?” _ Magnus grimaces at Maryse’s sympathetic coo and tries to cut in with an “I’m fine!” that Izzy quickly shuts down. 

She purses her lips at Magnus and frowns down at the phone. “Alec is keeping Magnus late every night and he’s tired all the time! He’s bumping into stuff and he broke his glasses yesterday!”

Magnus rolls his eyes when Maryse sounds outraged in response and turns away, both irritated with how easily he’s managed to become entangled in the Lightwood family and flattered by how deeply they all seem to care for him.

\---

Alec takes him to the family optometrist several days later on strict orders from Maryse to purchase whatever he likes. 

Magnus slides into the car with his eyes downcast, unsure of where he and Alec stand after their evening together. He doesn’t know what Alec wants out of this, what Alec thinks of him, whether or not Alec even enjoyed the things they did together.

Alec is similarly quiet during the drive, his hazel eyes never straying from the road. When they park, Alec catches his gaze and seems to try to work himself up to saying something. He struggles for a moment before giving up, sighing and turning away to unlock their doors. 

Magnus frowns and follows, exiting the car as quickly as he can, and taking multiple strides for every step of Alec’s. 

The attractive attendant openly eyes Magnus up and down when they step inside, a smug smirk on his face, and Magnus shifts uncomfortably, shuffling closer to Alec. 

The taller man steps forward, automatically putting himself between the salesman and Magnus in a way that has his knees shaking. 

“Appointment for Lightwood,” Alec says, his words firm and short. The salesman smiles humorlessly at both of them and logs onto the computer, checking them in. 

“The doctor is still with his last patient. Feel free to look around before the exam,” he says flatly, clearly already bored with them both, and turns back to his screen. 

Alec slips his hand in Magnus’s and nods, tilting his head down to face the shorter man. “See anything you like?” He ventures, and it’s all Magnus can do to keep from responding _ “Uh, yeah - you.” _

But he still doesn’t know what Alec thinks of the whole thing, so he just smiles brightly and shrugs, turning to look at the display covered walls, pulling Alec along behind him. 

“What do you think of these?” Magnus asks, pulling a pair of wire-rimmed glasses down from the cheap section. He slips them on his face and shows Alec.

“I think,” Alec starts slowly, and Magnus raises his brows, “I think that they look exactly like the ones I - we - you broke.” 

Magnus smiles, warmth curling under his skin at how Alec’s ears tinge pink, how he fumbles the ending of his sentence. He taps his chin thoughtfully and frowns playfully before he answers in a teasing tone.

_ “We _ broke them, darling, and I quite like them. They’re sensible, plus they don’t cost a fortune.”

Alec makes a face at that and chuckles, stepping closer so that they’re almost chest to chest. “Sensible sounds like code for boring, and if we’ve already broken them once, shouldn’t we find a sturdier pair?” 

He bites his lip after he speaks, and Magnus can’t help but glance towards his mouth, his own throat going dry. Alec’s lips curl in front of him and he lightly places a hand on Magnus’s waist before he says in a lower voice than before, “don’t you think so, darling?” 

Magnus nods and tries to laugh, but it comes out sounding all breathy and Alec’s eyes darken suggestively. He shifts even closer and suddenly Magnus is pressed against him, can feel the beginnings of a hard outline in his jeans. 

Magnus swallows and melts into Alec’s embrace, heat warming the inside of his veins. And, oh, he wants. He wants very badly. So he leans up so that their lips are millimeters apart, brushes their noses together sweetly, inhales the earthy, slightly spicy scent that is Alec Lightwood, and steps back abruptly when the door to the medical offices opens and the doctor peers out. 

“Misters Lightwood, you can come back now.”

They turn to look at each other once again and it occurs to Magnus that the doctor thinks that they’re married. He hopes that Alec doesn’t notice.

Alec, of course, does. He scoops up Magnus’s hand in his and kisses it lightly, grinning at the shorter man all the time.

Magnus flushes all the way to his hairline and Alec steps forward, their hands still linked, and tugs Magnus toward the door where the doctor has since disappeared. He looks over his shoulder at Magnus, eyes sparking mischievously. 

“You heard the doctor, honey. Let’s go get those beautiful eyes checked.”

\---

Magnus gasps as he hits the wall, hard enough to knock the breath out of his lungs. Alec follows almost immediately after, pinning him in place, pressing their bodies together in a long line. Magnus groans when Alec grips his hair, tightly enough to bring tears to his eyes, and tugs his head to the side to gain access to his neck.

“Just for the record,” Alec says breathlessly into Magnus’s flushed skin, pausing to suck a mark into the sensitive spot under his ear, “I _ am _ sorry about the other night.”

Magnus cuts off his moan and pulls back, staring at Alec incredulously. _ “Sorry _ about the other night?”

In the low light, Magnus thinks that he can see Alec flush, but he can’t be sure. “Uh, yeah.” 

Alec says lamely, hands nervously trailing up and down Magnus’s sides. He breathes in deeply before he continues, “I didn’t mean to break your glasses, and I know we replaced them, but I want you to know that I take it seriously and -”

Magnus cuts Alec off with a harsh kiss that sets even his own head spinning, holding the back of his neck tightly. Alec moans into Magnus’s mouth and he swallows it down greedily, slipping away from the wall and stepping backwards, farther into his little apartment. 

Alec grabs at his waist and makes an affronted noise each time Magnus steps away from him, following blindly. Magnus laughs at him and speaks, excitement and arousal mixing to make him feel silly. “I forgive you! Come on, you dork - take me to bed before you break my new pair of glasses too.”

Alec responds, “as you wish!” 

And Magnus’s world tilts suddenly.

He yelps when Alec scoops him up in a bridal carry, lifting his weight without a hint of strain. Magnus automatically winds his arms around Alec’s shoulders and leans in, pressing his face against the other man’s stubble. 

God, he loves this. 

He inhales Alec’s scent and lets himself melt into the embrace as he closes his eyes, trusting Alec to find his way to the bedroom eventually. After a couple wrong doors, Alec makes a triumphant noise and Magnus smiles against his skin.

Alec huffs out a laugh when he loosens his grip on Magnus and the shorter man holds tighter, unwilling to let go.

Alec murmurs into Magnus’s hair, mussing it even more. “Your bed awaits, my dear - unless you’d rather I have you against the wall tonight?” 

Magnus’s eyes snap open at that and he peers through his lashes at the other man. He’s gratified when Alec’s lips quirk into a crooked smile and he flushes, thinking of being pinned between Alec and one of his walls, nothing but the other man’s strength holding him up as he drives into him again and again.

His cock throbs between his legs and Magnus swallows roughly before answering, his voice a little unsteady. “Maybe not tonight - another time?”

Alec looks at him so fondly that Magnus feels warmth creep over his skin and nods before gently pressing him down into the bed, leaning over him protectively. 

“And for tonight?” Alec asks softly, brushing a reverent hand over Magnus’s cheek. The shorter man shivers and catches Alec’s hand in his own, turning his face to lay a kiss against the calloused skin. 

“Tonight I just want you.”

Alec smiles and he doesn’t have to say anything in order for Magnus to know that he’s going to give Magnus exactly what he asks for. 

They undress each other slowly, laying praise and kisses over every inch of newly bared skin. 

Magnus’s breath catches in his throat when Alec’s tattoos are visible and he takes the time to kiss each one, whisper a short thanks into the skin of the man under him.

The last (i.e. the first) time they had sex, they were both frantic, in too much of a rush to take the edge off to savor it. 

Magnus isn’t even sure Alec ever got his shirt off before they were coming together, rutting on the bookstore floor like animals. Alec hadn’t prepped Magnus enough for his length, and while it was hot in the moment, Magnus didn’t particularly enjoy walking with a noticeable limp the next day.

Now Alec takes his time prepping Magnus, opening him up with long, sure fingers and just enough lube to make the slide easy, the stretch still a pleasant burn. He brushes against Magnus’s prostate when he’s got three fingers inside of him, and Magnus cries out, the sudden pleasure curling his toes unintentionally. 

“Please, Alec,” he begs, and Alec drops his head to rest against Magnus’s stomach, his stubble rubbing against the sensitive skin right below his belly button. The sensation is sharp, almost overwhelming coupled with Alec’s insistent nudges to his prostate, and Magnus’s cock throbs, leaks precome in a trail over his lower stomach. 

“Please _ what, _ baby?” Alec teases, the whites of his teeth glinting in the light cast by the streetlights outside. Before Magnus can gather himself enough to answer, he dips down and licks a languid path across Magnus’s skin, following the slick line of precome until he takes the head of Magnus’s cock into his mouth. 

Magnus shouts at the burst of hot, wet pleasure and all of the muscles in his body clench at once, drawing a groan from Alec’s lips. 

He drags his fingers out slowly, clearly savoring the way Magnus’s body tries to hold him inside, and looks back up at Magnus, hazel eyes bright.

“Please,” Magnus repeats, just to see the ghost of a smile curve over Alec’s mouth once more. “Please fuck me.”

“Anything for you, kitten,” Alec gets up to his knees and answers cheekily. He quickly rolls a condom down his considerable length and grins at the shorter man. Magnus is about to snipe back when the head of Alec’s cock bumps against his sensitive rim, and he lets out a desperate whimper instead of the brilliant comeback he’s just come up with. 

“Shh, kitten, it’s okay, Daddy’s gonna give you what you need,” Alec rambles and slowly presses in, his jaw going slack at the tight heat.

Magnus somehow quirks a smile over Alec referring to himself as _ Daddy _ and resolves to pull that one out again on a rainy day before he loses himself to the delicious stretch, hot desire snaking its way through his body.

“Oh, fuck,” Magnus manages when Alec bottoms out, and he winds their hands together, something to tether him to the present, anchor him right here with Alec.

“Fuck,” Alec agrees, and grits his teeth together, holding himself entirely still.

“Alec,” Magnus says after a moment, drawing the other man to open his eyes. “Move,” he commands, and Alec nods, squeezing his eyes shut once more.

Slowly, so slowly, Alec pulls back, the drag of his cock inside Magnus enough to send little shocks of excitement skittering down his spine. He howls when Alec thrusts back in, hard enough to move him up the bed a little, and curls his legs fully around Alec’s waist.

Alec falls forward over him, catching himself with his free hand, and starts to fuck Magnus in earnest - deep, full-bodied thrusts that have Magnus’s breath catching in his chest and moans echoing throughout the room.

Heat starts to pool in his lower stomach and at the base of his spine, and Alec shifts his angle minutely, yanking a hoarse shout from Magnus’s lips.

He’s hitting Magnus’s prostate head-on now, and Magnus can feel his orgasm approaching, can practically see it at the edges of his vision. He wraps a hand around his cock and fists it tightly, just the way he likes it, dragging his thumb over the slit on every pass.

Alec’s thrusts are becoming erratic now, losing their rhythm and otherworldly strength. “Magnus,” he grits out, pressing his face against Magnus’s neck, “‘m close -”

Magnus keens on a particularly brutal thrust against his prostate and nods frantically, his abdominal muscles quivering as the knot of pleasure in his stomach grows tighter and tighter.

On the next thrust it snaps, and Magnus throws his head back, letting the blinding waves of pleasure flood through him. He shoots several streams of come over his and Alec’s stomachs, and the other man groans, his hips stuttering against Magnus’s ass.

Alec barely manages not to collapse on top of him, for which Magnus is immensely grateful. He winces when Alec pulls out completely, and tries to catch his breath as Alec slumps down next to him. 

“That was,” Alec starts a few minutes later, after they’ve cleaned up, and Magnus’s eyes flutter open, flick over to look at him, “life-changing.”

Magnus huffs out a laugh and Alec smiles tiredly, shoves his shoulder with a large hand. 

Alec continues playfully, dropping his head against the pillow. “C’mon, you gotta admit, that was definitely top ten fucks of your life, right?”

_ Top _ one _ fuck of my life by far, _ Magnus thinks, but he scrunches his nose exaggeratedly and pretends to consider. 

“It was certainly up there…” Magnus starts, and Alec sits up, towering over him almost immediately. He looks incredulous, practically irate, and Magnus can barely keep a straight face through the glee.

“Perhaps we should try again - practice _ does _ make perfect, hmm?” Magnus says, doing his best to smile innocently up at Alec.

“I’ll show you perfect -” Alec says, and pounces on him, making Magnus shriek loudly. 

They manage to fit in two more “practice sessions” before Magnus can’t keep his eyes open any longer, and they finally fall asleep in a tangle of limbs.

\---

Magnus drives Alec to the airport on a rainy morning a few short weeks later. They’ve spent the last eighteen days working at the shop, stealing kisses, volunteering with the kids, and making love in every place and position they can manage. 

Magnus is well and truly in love, and that knowledge terrifies him, though practically he knows that Alec feels much the same about him.

He’s tapping the steering wheel, bouncing his left leg uncomfortably, is trying to ignore the stone that appears to have recently taken up permanent residence in his stomach.

Alec catches his eye when he makes to switch lanes, and Magnus jumps a little, surprised. Alec’s expression is pained, open in a way that Magnus is unfamiliar with. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Magnus ventures to ask, pulling into Newark Liberty Airport’s short term parking lot. Once he finds a spot, Alec slowly reaches over and rests a large hand over where Magnus is still anxiously tapping the steering wheel, stilling the movement.

“You know I really care about you, right?” The other man asks quietly, running his thumb soothingly over Magnus’s wrist. Magnus smiles at the movement and eyes his lover.

“Yeah, I’d figured that much out for myself,” he tries to joke, but his voice falls flat when he catches Alec turning to face the window and wiping his eyes with his free hand. He realizes with a shock that Alec Lightwood is crying in his car and he speaks again, a little panicked. “Hold on, Alexander, are you okay??”

Alec takes in a great, ragged breath and turns back to face him, still sniffling. His eyes are glassy and his nose is red, and Magnus feels a strange pain in his chest.

When Alec speaks he sounds like he can’t possibly leave without saying the words Magnus is about to hear. The urgency leads Magnus to listen intently.

“Your ex - she hasn’t messed with you in a while, right?” 

Magnus wrinkles his brow, confused, and shakes his head. “Not since - not since we saw her that night at Hunter’s Moon.”

Alec nods down at his lap, like he’s assuring himself of something. He looks back at Magnus and seems to ready himself for battle, squaring his shoulders and sitting up straighter. 

“You’ll take care of yourself when I’m gone, right?” 

Magnus smiles and brings their joined hands up to kiss. Alec’s eyes track the movement gently, and Magnus loves him all the more. “Of course I will. But you’ll be back soon anyway, won't you?”

Alec leans in and kisses him, then, and it’s everything that their kisses always are - fresh and exciting, but somehow so familiar and right, like they’re meant to always be together, meant to stumble into new adventures in each others’ arms day after day for the rest of their lives.

It’s not until much later, when Magnus is finally driving home that he realizes that Alec never answered him. 

He frowns thoughtfully as he dials the youth homeless shelter that Alec took him to for their first not-date and confirms his next visit; after he gets off the phone, he decides that Alec must have gotten lost in the kiss as well, that he must have just forgotten to assure Magnus that, yes, of course he’ll be coming back to see him. 

\---

All too soon it’s Christmastime, and Magnus is at the Lightwood family home, enjoying a nice cup of hot tea while Izzy and Jace argue about the proper order in which to trim a tree. 

He’s idly wondering where Max is when the house phone starts to ring, and he jumps off of the couch immediately - anything to avoid being dragged into the tree decorating debate. He loves Izzy with all of his heart, but her insistence that tinsel is hung before the ornaments makes his skin crawl.

“I’ve got it!” He shouts unnecessarily and slides onto the bench in the hallway, pulling his feet up under him. No one else is paying any mind to the shrill ringing - Maryse, Luke, and Clary are all making dinner in the kitchen, and Izzy and Jace’s voices have only grown louder since he left the living room. 

Magnus pulls the phone off the hook, wondering why in the world Maryse Lightwood (Graymark?) doesn’t have caller ID in her own house, and holds it to his ear, readying himself to speak with one of the extended Lightwood clan.

“Merry Christmas! This is the Lightwood family residence, and you are _ not _ speaking with a Lightwood family member. How may I direct your call?” He answers in an affected tone, amusement spreading warm under his skin, curling his lips.

“Magnus,” the person on the other end of the line says, and he forgets how to breathe.

“Alexander,” he quietly says after a long second, pushing his glasses back up on his nose. “How are you?”

“I’m good! How are you? How’s the store?” 

His heart is beating again. _ Alec, Alec, Alec. _

“I’m good! The store is fine,” Magnus answers, smiling so hard that his cheeks actually hurt. He shifts in his seat, shoves his glasses back up his nose from where they’ve slipped down again already. 

“I miss you,” he admits after a few moments of silence, soft and shy.

“I - I - I’m getting married,” Alec says into the phone, all quick and rushed. Magnus laughs - a bright, tinkling sound.

“Woah,” he says after a second, when he realizes that Alec isn’t chuckling alongside him. “That’s a tad sudden, isn’t it?”

Alec is still quiet on the other side of the line, and something breaks inside of Magnus. 

Shock rends him immobile, glues him to the little bench he’s curled up on. Almost unconsciously, he brings his free hand up to cover his heart, to try and protect it from the great pain spider webbing along his veins.

He continues weakly, desperate laughter bubbling in his throat like blood. “I mean, we should at least go to dinner first -”

“Magnus,” Alec says, sounding raw, and his heart just fucking - splinters. Cracks into pieces. 

His head feels like it’s been filled with cotton - he can’t hear anymore, can’t see the ground in front of him for the tears swimming in his eyes. He lets out a shuddering breath and clutches the phone, presses it closer to his ear. Alec speaks again.

“Magnus, I _ have _ to -”

And Magnus can hear the desperation in his voice, but he can’t accept it, can’t allow any of Alexander’s grief to become his.

If he does let it in, he’ll shatter completely. So Magnus holds the broken shards of hope close to his chest and speaks in the coldest tone that he can muster. “Congratulations, Alexander. I’m gonna give the phone to your mom - I’m sure she’s been waiting for your call.”

He hears Alec breathe in, getting ready to argue, or beg, or something else entirely, and Magnus can’t handle any of that, so instead he cuts him off, continuing icily. “I know how important family is to you.”

\---

It’s late January, and everything outside is cold and grey and dead. Magnus hates it, but he can’t decide if he hates it more or less than everything inside, which is pink and red and covered in hearts proclaiming now “The Season of Love.”

He’s moving across town, out of his little shoebox flat in the Bronx and into a shared loft in Brooklyn with Meliorn - it’s closer to both of their jobs and the landlord allows pets, so maybe Magnus is finally going to follow through with his years-long plan of adopting a cat as soon as he’s physically and financially able to do so.

He opens a box in his room that Catarina packed and labeled _ Nerd Bullshit, _ and is unsurprised to find that it’s full of books. This is his favorite part of moving - rediscovering his personal items and falling in love all over again. 

He drags the box next to his small bookshelf and sits down, ready to look at each volume and find a proper place for it. Each of the books are familiar in their own way, even if he hasn’t read them yet - he remembers how they came to be part of his collection, whether they came from _ Ouroboros_, his favorite used bookstore in Midtown, or the loving hands of one of his friends. They all hold special memories and Magnus can’t wait to dive into the adventures among the pages.

He pauses when he pulls out two newer books - they’re historical fiction, and they look right up his alley, but it takes him a moment to place where he got them from. Of course - the signing last summer, the one that he and Alec had worked together. 

He frowns down at the cover of the first book, a heaviness settling under his heart, and opens it. Magnus almost drops the book in shock when he sees a note from the author written on the inside front cover, addressed to him. 

_ Magnus, _

_ Someone told me that you yourself are quite magical - I hope this story about choosing the risk of love over the safety of walls resonates with you. _

_ T.G. _

And suddenly, everything that Magnus has tried to push away since December comes rushing back. All of the pain, betrayal, and anger returns tenfold. Magnus throws the book back into the box and stands up, stumbling backwards.

How dare Alec do what he did?! How dare he worm his way into Magnus’s heart and take up residence there - promise to look after it gently, then drop it like a worthless stone once he found something better? 

And how dare he keep reminding Magnus of what he’d lost? 

It’s so much harder to be alone now that he knows what he’s missing. 

Magnus sits heavily on his bed, cradling his head in his hands, his breath coming in short gasps. Tears are burning his eyes. Dimly, he’s aware of Meliorn coming into his room, and he doesn’t flinch away when his friend sits beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 

Magnus melts into the embrace and sobs, the strength of his emotions wringing him out.

“I don’t want to be lonely anymore,” he says into Meliorn’s shoulder, angry with how weak his voice is, how it wavers and catches. He sniffles loudly and Mel holds him closer, resting his cheek on the top of Magnus’s head. 

“I know, dear one, I know. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to get through this,” Meliorn says softly, rubbing Magnus’s back. He just - feels so _ weak. _ It’s been months since Alec called, longer since the last time Magnus actually saw him, and he’s still so broken. 

“What’s wrong with me?” Magnus eventually manages, sobbing against the pain in his chest. He can’t get past how raw it feels, the jagged hole where his heart used to sit. He misses Alec so acutely, it’s like every time he breathes in he’s aware that something isn’t right, that he’s lost a piece of himself.

Meliorn sucks a breath in and holds him tighter. “Nothing is wrong with you, dearest. Just let it out - it is okay for the pain to come and go.”

Magnus closes his eyes when Mel begins to rock them gently and lets himself cry in his best friend’s arms.

\---

Magnus feels different when he steps into _ Ouroboros _ one day in late May. At first he’s not sure what the change is, but the air is charged, is practically crackling around him. It’s - it’s the first time he’s felt something so profoundly in months. 

He’s almost giddy with the new sensation, and a bounce makes its way into his step as he winds his way through the shelves to put his personal items away before his shift starts. 

Magnus knocks once, twice, three times before opening the office door in the back, and his heart jumps into his throat.

Alec is there, is leaning down to speak with his mother over some papers on her desk. He looks _ good, _ so good it makes Magnus’s teeth hurt for how much he wants. 

Magnus blinks, hard. Sucks in a breath. Gathers himself fully. 

Both Lightwoods have turned to greet him now, and Magnus is gratified to see Alec freeze in much the same way when their gazes meet. 

“Magnus, honey, come in,” Maryse says, subtly nudging Alec around the desk. “We were just finishing up.”

Magnus drops Alec’s gaze and nods, stepping fully into the office to hang his backpack on the hook and pull his apron out. He hears the familiar flutter of papers behind him and fights the bone-deep urge to turn around, to look upon the man that he once so foolishly loved again. 

The door shuts and Magnus jumps from his thoughts, finally turns around, his fingertips brushing against the smooth wall behind him. Maryse is watching from her desk, is assessing him with a kind eye. Alec is nowhere to be found.

He opens his mouth to speak, but Maryse beats him to it.

“I did want to talk to you about something… Why don’t you take a seat?”

Magnus’s heart thumps in his ears and his mind starts spinning. Alec is here. Alec is back. Maryse doesn’t need him on staff anymore. She’s letting him go.

Magnus nods tightly and sits stiffly in the chair across from her desk, gripping the armrests on either side.

Instead of speaking right away, Maryse glances over at the vase of flowers off to the side; Magnus follows her gaze and sucks in a breath. They’re beautiful, wild-looking. Varying shades of purple, from the lightest lavender to a deep plum, almost burgundy. 

They have Alec written all over them, and with a start Magnus realizes that it’s Mother’s Day. He wonders at how much care Alec must have put into the bouquet, for the arrangement is absolutely stunning, no less than what Maryse deserves.

Magnus tears his gaze away from the flowers and meets her eyes, sympathy ringing through her dark irises. Longing lances down his veins, and he doesn’t want to give this life up, not yet. He feels like he’s finally making a home for himself, and this is all he ever wanted - how could he possibly say goodbye this soon?

He can’t find the words he wants to say, how deeply he wants to continue working here, how much this store and these people have come to mean to him in just over a year. 

Maryse speaks again, her soft voice filling the space between them.

“Alec is back in town,” she starts, inclining her head towards the vase. “As I know you’re aware of.”

Magnus just nods dumbly, a frown pulling his lips down.

For once Maryse looks hesitant, unsure. It unsettles Magnus to see her this way, to glimpse a side to her that is anything less than unwaveringly confident. She continues, her words halting.

“I don’t know everything that happened between you two while I was gone last year, but Alec recently told me what I imagine are the broad strokes.”

Magnus freezes. Did Alec tell Maryse that they slept together so that she fires him? That seems cruel, calculated. Entirely unlike the Alexander Lightwood he once knew.

“There was,” Maryse grimaces and tucks a lock of dark hair back behind her ear. “A romantic relationship?”

Magnus barely nods, resisting the urge to break eye contact. If he’s going out like this, at least he can try to keep a shred of dignity intact.

Maryse breathes out deeply and nods, her expression shifting to concerned. She leans forward over the desk and folds her hands delicately together. 

“Magnus,” she says, once she’s situated once more, her tone deathly serious, “did Alec pressure you in any way or imply that your continuation with the company would depend upon your compliance with the relationship?”

Magnus is absolutely stunned, and perhaps that’s what kicks him into motion once again. He shakes his head sincerely, his eyes widening. He opens his mouth and finds that he’s able to get the words out. “Absolutely not! Everything between us - it was all completely consensual.” He takes a breath before he continues in a quieter voice. 

“I - I loved him.”

Maryse sits back in her seat, the tense line of her shoulders going slack. She lets her eyes fall closed for a moment before she sits up again, once more the self-assured woman that hired Magnus many months ago. 

When she speaks, her voice betrays the emotion almost entirely invisible in her expression. “ I hoped that was the case, but I needed to ask. My first responsibility here is to _ you _ \- to make sure that you’re safe and that no one is taking advantage of their power to abuse you in any way.

“I absolutely understand if you don’t want to continue with _Ouroboros_ in the future, Magnus, but I can assure you that Alec will not be working here again. He may stop in every once in a while to say hello, but he’s starting as a public defender for Kings County next week and that position will certainly take up most of his time.”

She leans forward in her seat and adds in a quieter tone, "for the record, I hope that you don't leave. We love having you here."

Maryse's lips curl slightly once she's finished, and Magnus taps absently on the armrest of the chair, glances over at the flowers once again.

“You really want me to stay with the company?” He finally asks, before allowing hope to rise in his chest. 

The warmth with which Maryse looks at him stills his anxious movements, settles something deep inside of his heart. 

She answers with a smile that Magnus has seen on Izzy’s lips thousands of times, and Magnus breaks into one of his own to match. 

\---

Magnus sits at Jade Wolf later that evening, nursing a whiskey and thinking about Alec. He’s back. And he told his mother about them. But - why? What could it mean? And he’s working as a public defender now? Why would he skip out on his dad’s fancy L.A. law firm to move back to New York and barely scrape by? 

As if conjured into being by Magnus’s thoughts, Alec sits at the stool next to him and signals to the bartender, ordering another drink for Magnus and one of his own. 

Magnus rolls his eyes because _ of course _ Alec is here, and turns to face him directly. He’s frankly exhausted by this unwinnable game that they’re playing. Alec swallows when Magnus looks up at him, dark eyelashes fluttering over the pale planes of his cheeks.

“Why did you move back here?” Magnus asks without preamble. He watches the way Alec’s face twitches when he takes a drink of whiskey, imagines how it burns going down his throat. His eyes catch on the other man’s Adam’s Apple as it moves up and down, and he tries not to think about running his teeth over it, of savoring the sounds Alec would make as he did so.

Alec eyes him and sets the glass back down on the counter a little too hard. “I was miserable in L.A.” He admits, shrugging a shoulder. 

Magnus looks closer at him and realizes that Alec looks different than before - the bright spark in his eyes has all but completely disappeared, the lines in his forehead and around his mouth are more pronounced, even the once straight line of his shoulders has slumped. He’s still supermodel good looking, of course, but he appears almost - defeated. 

To someone who has never made a career of studying Alec Lightwood, these changes would easily slip by.

To Magnus, they’re clear as day. 

“What happened to you?” Magnus asks, not unkindly. Alec tilts his head, watches the shorter man like he’s sizing him up. Magnus hates the intensity of his gaze, has always hated how he feels like a lab specimen under a microscope when he’s with Alec. He looks back down to his now-refilled glass when Alec laughs humorlessly and swirls the contents of his drink before taking a sip. 

It physically hurts Magnus to hear the other man’s answer. “I tried to be who my family needed, and I failed.”

He opens his mouth to respond, but Alec’s not done yet, words coming more easily now that he’s started. “I did what my dad wanted me to do - got married, joined the firm, ran point on all of the shit cases he threw my way, but it was never enough. He always held my siblings over my head, made me feel like it was _ my _ responsibility if they should get to have his support or whatever. 

“I just couldn’t do it anymore when he said that he wouldn’t pay for Max’s college if Lydia wasn’t pregnant within a year. I just - Max doesn’t even want to _ go _ to college, you know? And why should I have to shoulder that burden at all?”

A small smile makes its way over Magnus’s face as he watches Alec speak emphatically, a familiar warmth slowly sliding down his veins. This is the man that he loves. This is the man that he never stopped loving. 

Alec breathes out and seems to calm himself, catching Magnus’s fond expression. He continues, more quietly than before. “I realized that he's always gonna hate who I am, and that I can't keep cutting off pieces of myself to fit his image of what a man should be. So Lydia and I got an annulment, I quit the firm, and I got on the first plane back here. I’ve, uh - I’ve never been happier than I was last summer with you.” 

Magnus shakes his head softly, blinking hard to pull himself out of the love-haze he’d so quickly begun falling into. 

“Alexander,” the name tumbles from his lips like it’s meant to be there. He meets Alec's eyes and feels love in his heart, boundless and deep, but also sadness. “Everything can’t just go back to the way it was before.”

“I know,” Alec says, and his smile is both pained and reassuring. “I know that. And I don’t want it exactly the way it was before. I’m excited to be a public defender, and I’m excited to get to know New York City all over again.”

His eyes flicker down to Magnus’s lips, and Magnus decides that he doesn’t hate the intense way that Alec looks at him after all. In fact, he thinks as Alec leans a fraction closer and his pulse starts thumping in response, he loves it a little bit. 

“Besides, Mom wouldn’t hire me back at the bookstore.”

Magnus snorts despite himself, and his tone is teasing as he responds. “That’s what you get for sleeping with the employees while she was gone.”

Alec laughs lightly and he taps the side of his glass good-naturedly, but his tone carries an undercurrent of sincerity as he corrects. “I slept with _ one _ employee. And I didn’t just sleep with him - I fell in love.”

A thrill runs through Magnus at the admission and he tries not to visibly shiver. The voice in his head, the entirely reasonable one, cautions him to wait, to be smart about this. Alec broke his heart not six months ago. Is it really the smartest thing to dive right back into his arms?

Magnus takes an unsteady breath and rubs his face with his hand, no doubt reddening his cheek.

“Maybe - ” he says, and squeezes his eyes shut. There’s no reason to think Alec even wants a serious relationship with him. That’s not what they had last year. He’s got to at least try to protect himself until he knows Alec’s intentions. 

“Two lonely bastards?” He offers, electing to keep his dignity close in favor of baring his heart to the man who already owns it. 

Alec smiles and looks down at his glass; he speaks in a quiet tone. “Absolutely.”

They share a smile before Alec swallows, at once sad and nervous and hopeful, and says. “I do need to confess, though, I was - hoping for maybe more than that one day.” Magnus looks down at the counter between them and tries not to let giddiness make him lightheaded, just focuses on listening to Alec as he continues.

“I, ah. I actually bought you flowers. They’re at the bookstore.”

And Magnus thinks back to the wild, beautiful display on Maryse’s desk. He’d just assumed it was for Maryse, he realizes. “Oh! That bouquet in the office - that was for me?”

Alec quirks the side of his mouth up and speaks after a long moment. “Of course they were. They were dahlias. Why would I give my mother a flower that symbolizes lifelong commitment?”

Magnus shoots back almost instantly, embarrassment warming his skin. “Why would - why would you give _ me _ a flower that symbolizes lifelong commitment?”

Alec just looks at him, the ghost of a smile playing about the edges of his mouth. The gears in Magnus’s mind start to turn. Rusty, like they haven’t been used since that terrible phone call last December.

All of a sudden it clicks for him. “Oh.” He breathes out softly, like he’s afraid of making too much noise and breaking this precious little bubble they’ve created on this side of the nearly empty bar.

_“Oh,” _ he repeats when Alec’s expression breaks into a true smile, into the most beautiful smile Magnus has ever seen. 

Alec bites his lip, flushes before he says, “I tried to call you as soon as I got back in town.”

Magnus answers, still reeling from the realization that Alec wants him - all of him, both good and bad. “I - I changed my number the last time Camille tried to mess with me.”

Alec smiles softly at that. “I’m so happy for you. Did you file a police report?”

Magnus nods in affirmation, turning back to the glass of whiskey in front of him. The way the sunlight filters through it reminds him of a different time, a different heartbreak. A different him entirely. He breathes in before speaking again. “And I moved to a new place.” 

He glances up to the other man at that and pauses, rocked to his core at how gently Alec’s gaze tracks over him. He wonders how many times last year he caught Alec looking at him with that exact same expression on his face. He wonders how many times he didn’t.

Magnus speaks when the silence wraps just a hair too tightly around them, harkening back to the months they spent apart. “It’s not too far from here, actually.”

After a moment, Alec swallows around his words, his smile wide and nervous. “Can I - could I maybe walk you back? Make sure you get home safe?” 

Magnus smiles down into his drink. There are about a thousand different ways that this could end badly, and only one way where it can truly end well. 

Maybe Alec will break his heart again. Maybe he’ll turn out to be just like Magnus’s father and Camille. Maybe he’ll turn out to be worse. Or maybe -

Maybe he won’t.

Decision made, Magnus answers.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is the end product of four months of struggle. i sincerely hope that you enjoy it, because i have been thinking about it literally every day since june, and i cannot do any more with it.
> 
> please, please, please let me know if you liked it - comment, kudos, bookmark, find me on tumblr and shout at me, whatever. i need validation like a fish needs water.
> 
> also give a shout if you see any rough passages or mistakes! i'm doin my best here, but i am not a human spellcheck.


End file.
